Why All The Feathers?

 

I should have known that

the spring winds would blow too hard

for me to keep a hold on you.

Of course.

It’s happened before

And if I knew I was alone when

we shared milkshake kisses in the rain

I would have known

that our times together

meant nothing

to you

And tell me

was I also alone

when we made love

until the sun set

and the soft melodies

called out our names?

                                      tell me

was I wasting precious emotions

when I cherished the things you

used to

do for me?

                                      you know-

the long distance phone calls

from small towns

and lonely hotel rooms

the family introductions

and

staying up to type my term paper

while I slept close by

Keeping me company ‘til

2am while I did my laundry?

I mean

I thought you really cared

And who asked you for the

piggy back rides and those suggestive eyes?

You could have saved it for the next one

because

too many birds have flown south

leaving me their feathers to remember them by

and here I sit

fooling myself again…

thinking of the omelet we shared in bed together

made by your tender loving hands.

So tell me

was I alone when my soul felt us sharing/caring together?

well, damn it

          why am I alone now?

~ M. Tonita Austin-Hilley

Columbia University, NY   1985