Just a Little Thank You Note….

 [Warning that this was written after my first heartbreak in college, so it is expressing those raw emotions….. ]

I just wanted to

thank you

for the sweet pain of a first love affair

thank you

for the soft melodies that made me forget

that we had no protection

if these three months hadn’t happened,

there would be no Miles, no Klugh, no Spyro Gyra

no Marsalis, no Brubeck, no Franks, no ‘BGO

without this final semester of false lovin’

there would be no jazz

no duets in the shower

no passion at5am

no nights alone

no “real” thing, no “you mean more than”

no “IDO care”

no “sorry but I won’t be home tonight…”

no

other woman

no heartache, no confusion, no hurt

no faked emotions, no hate, no frustration

no

gynecologist

no cold, empty nights, no lonely mornings, no sympathy

no apathy, no excuses, no wounded egos, no memories

no BITCH

so thank you

for the missed classes

and for teaching me how to scurry across campus at 1AM

to fulfill your needs and to find my own

thank  you for the use of your towels, your soap, your q-tips, your cocoa butter, your washcloth, your shirts, your stereo, your typewriter

thank  you for using me

for losing me

in your arms, in your kisses and in your thoughts

for losing track of my existence

for having no brain of your own

for loving and leaving me for your best friend’s girlfriends’ girlfriend

for forgetting about our ‘something real’

for the lies

for cutting all ties

sooooo graciously

for not being MAN enough to tell me about her

for making me realize that some men have no right to my loving

and are only out to please

THEMSELVES

for letting me see the reality of a relationship with a basketball player

who snorts, tokes, drinks, brags boasts and

SITS THE BENCH

but really

THANK

YOU

for the strength to start over again

and to take the time out to love someone WORTH  loving…

MYSELF

Original writing:  5/3/84