So Deep, Part Two – Original Poetry

934113_10201098201966040_1503897564_nNever thought I could feel this way
Laying next to you thinking of how we’ll start the day
Feeling your arms falling gently around my waist
Pulling me closer as the depths of our souls embrace
Trying not to wake you as I softly kiss your face
Yearning for your lips and hands to once again take me to a higher place
How did I let you get

so deep

Are you putting something in my water while I sleep
Or is it the electric you inject when you press play, pause and then repeat
I close my eyes and trust you as you sink further into me
My heart cries so joyously for the genuine love that you lay at my feet
Pushing tears out that it no longer wants to keep
So deep

Is this what it feels like to be in love
Rising up with the soul mate sent to you from above

Can’t wait for you to awaken so I can explode
Honey-filled rainbows folded deep inside of my soul

So erotic the words you use to describe your love for me
They replay in my head and I’m so aroused I can’t even sleep


Is love really supposed to feel this way
Entranced yet terrified that it could just as easily go astray
Don’t want to admit how in love I am with you today
So I close my eyes and pray that your love will always stay

So deep

M.Tonita Austin a/k/a Toni Love  7/20/13

“In the middle of a street in Camden, NJ” – by J.T.Austin Jr.

I always thought that I acquired my gift of writing from my mother because she always kept a journal and I knew that she loved to write. It wasn’t until my father, as he began to age, passed along some of his writings to me that I became aware that it was his passion that I inherited. I was instantly transported to the time and place in his short essays and recognized the similarities in our writing styles. I now know that my love for words and my lyrical style was passed to me from Dad. I read this short essay at his memorial service this past Saturday (more to come about that) and several people have asked for a copy of it, so I am posting it on my blog. It was one of many small glimpses into the sensitive side of my dad that until his later years, was only uncovered in his writing. I can’t wait to put all of his thoughts into book form but for now, I’ll share one of my favorites so far:

In the middle of a street in Camden, NJ

Four of my grandchildren came to visit me on my 69th birthday, Jameel, Aamir, Naim and Hammad. They brought me a cake, a shirt, a food mixer, a birthday card and their wonderful company. As we laughed and talked together my mind began to rewind , but first I thought about my other four grandchildren and my great-granddaughter. After my grandkids had left, I looked at all their pictures and my mind lapsed again and tears came as I thought about a time long ago when two young people stood in the middle of a small Camden, NJ street. It must have rained that day as I remember the street glistened. They had been on her porch when she suggested that they take a walk. The young couple walked hand in hand down the sidewalk and started across the street when the girl stopped, looked up at the boy with tears in her eyes and said “ I’ve missed my period.” She put her head on his chest and sobbed. He imagined she thought he might leave her. His head was whirling. He thought , how’s he gonna support a wife and kid when he can’t support himself and then thought about the doctor at Hamilton Air Force Base in California who told him that because of the VD he had contracted overseas, he could never have children. So was this his child?? But when he looked down into the big wet eyes of HIS girl who was having HIS child, he kissed her, smiled and said “let’s get out of the street”. Well, they walked and talked, kissed and held each other. Two young people, in love, who didn’t have a clue how life was going to treat them but they started out together. So as I look at all these people we’re responsible for –  four children, eight grandchildren, and  one great-grandchild – 13 people who came here because of those two young lovers in the middle of a Camden street beginning to learn about life. The tears really begin to fall as I think “Well, ‘Fat Cheeks’, we didn’t do so bad, not bad at all!”

Written by Jabez T. Austin Jr


Jay and Ethel
Jay and Ethel

Watch “Phyllis Hyman’s “Meet Me on the Moon” performed by Kim Pinder-Gardner with poem by Toni Love.” on YouTube

It’s a little dark but Kim Pinder-Gardner is sounding fabulous as always and it’s the first time I performed one of my poems without reading from the paper so I am so proud! It was truly a magical night for me and I can’t wait to do it again. This was performed at the R Lounge in Wilmington, Delaware on April 4, 2013 for Richard Tucker with the Universal Koncept.

Can You Hear It?


If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it
Does it really make a noise?

Can you call yourself my man
If you spend less time with me than with
yourself, your friends and the “boys”?

You say how much you love me
And are always thinking of me, yet here I sit all alone
No sweet conversations or close encounters, just an occasional voice on my mobile phone

Reasons why we’re not holding each other, snuggling up, watching T.V.
There’s always something else going on, and you can’t spend time with me
Too tired to come when I need you, yet so much energy after you get me off the phone

So why should I sit here all alone..

Maybe I’m too much for one man
I need more love than you can do
Do I find a homey lover friend to fill in when you’re just “doing you”?

Is this the love that I always wanted?
Is this how love was really meant to be, if after time passes and the love gets solid
The romance falls silent just like the tree?

Is your passionate heart still beating, when I’m near do you still get chills?
Or when I’m laying there beside you,
Is it silently contemplating the next thrill?

Can I feel your arms around me
Can I nibble on your ear
Can we drift into the morning
Fall asleep in the comfort of the easy chair

Or did the heartbeat of this romance fall silent because no one was around to hear?

Can we cut into the silence
Find the sound of you and me
Let our passion create the sound waves
So there’s no doubt we feel the vibrations of love’s tree

Can we?

Original poetry- August 2012

Watch “Toni Love – Old School Love 8/1/12 @ WCL Philly” on YouTube

I have been writing poetry since the third grade. My teacher was so impressed with my poem that she had me read it to the entire class as an example for them. I can still remember it. My writing continued but didn’t really take flight until my college years. The cultural influence of New York City and the exposure leant by living near the heart of Harlem bled into my poetry and the life experiences of my college years made me blossom. I performed in sold out performances of Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem,” For Colored Girls” and was given the opportunity to read my poem “Creativity” to open for my idol Sonia Sanchez. My poetry and prose was published in the literary magazine on campus and I was well known in the African-American community as a writer. Then life happened – I was unable to finish my last year at college for financial reasons so I returned home depressed and angry and the writing ceased.
Now I am recovering Toni, the writer and it’s been a slow process but I am not giving up. I started this blog to remind me of my authentic self and to share my writing and poetry with the world. And now I feel it’s time to take the next step and give it a voice.
I promised myself that I would sign up for an open mic night in Philadelphia and share the feelings behind the words. With my best friend,
my brother and my love supporting me, I took the stage at a small venue and read “Meet Me” to a very supportive crowd. I was shaking like a leaf, but it felt good and they loved it. To start my birthday month off, I promised myself that I would take the stage at one of the largest open mic events in the city and debut my most popular poem here on my blog. I was afraid, but not as nervous. When I arrived to sign up, they told me that the list was full, and the only spot left was the slot to be the very first to go up on stage. Apparently no one wanted to go first! The place was packed, the stage was huge and none of my friends had arrived yet to tell me what to do. It was then that I felt courage on my shoulder, whispering into my ear. “You came all this way and invited your friends to come see you NOT perform? What about your promise to yourself? “. So I pushed past the fear and signed my stage name, Toni Love, at the top of the list.
It was exhilarating, exciting, scary and affirming all at the same time. One of my good friends captured it on film. Let me know what you think. I’m open to constructive criticism, especially since it will not be the last time I bless the mic. I’m in love!

Meet Me…

“Fly into my love…”

Phyllis no one could have said it better

I want to melt like glue on the pavement in the hot weather

when you are near me

I want to stop time and tell the job, the bills, the kids and the static to hush..

I want to ride on the next warm breeze that blows by,

grab your hand to make sure it’s just you and I

and slowly climb that ladder to the moon

No one needs to know where we are

Just make sure you duck that shooting star

And meet me


I don’t care if it’s just for a moment

But a lifetime would be divine

As close to heaven as we will ever be

Is walking on the moon, just you and me

Meet me..

I’ll make sure you get to work in the morning

We can stop by Jupiter to get you a change of clothes

I just want a moment alone

“In the middle of the sky…you and I”

Do you hear that soft love vibe

Slowly dripping down my thigh

I NEED you to meet me

Where we can lose ourselves in the moment everlasting

Far away from outside forces that interfere with our gravity

Can you meet me?

I won’t tell a soul

but you will want to when I’m through..

Can you just meet me?

Don’t make me beg

I have the ladder, just grab a rung

and come

Can’t you get here any faster?

Meet me..

You won’t regret it my love

And you surely won’t forget it

You’ll be set free from all those wordly woes

When the moondust drifts softly between our toes

Just come..

And I promise

I’ll call your name when you do…

Original Poetry by M Tonita Austin remembering the late, great Phyllis Hyman on her birthday 7/6/12


Finally Over_Original Poetry 1/9/1985

Finally Over

When I lost you

I found myself

and I hurt

I pained

for too long

thinking of how foolish I had been to believe in you

But my hurt turned into poetry and dance

and I wrote

and danced

until I filled up the emptiness inside of me

The void that set inside my soul

when you were no longer there

Poetry about you and for myself  poured from my fingertips

like golden rum at Carnival time in Trinidad

I loved until I stopped hurting

and I found not only myself


someone to love me for real

And oh yes

there were times when I wished he were you

until constant caresses and truthful sighs

showed me that true love takes me for what I am


it is finally over.

Real love has rescued my weary soul

and you are just a faded memory

because I am no longer afraid to return

the love that I have been given

(c) M. Tonita Austin  Jan 9, 1985

I want some old school love… Original Poetry

The Obamas

I’m yearning for some old school love.

That sweet love that kept you up on the phone all night.

Not thinking of short verses for his Twitter page

but long, drawn out sighs and movement from lips to thighs

sweet nothings that fill your ear and make you want to disappear

into the abyss of his love

into the phone for a long, sweet kiss and a tight hug

not looking at pictures of his body on Facebook or pictures that some other body took

but cuddling up next to his chest on the couch

not texting each other but hand in hand, mouth to mouth

can’t wait to wrap up inside of that warm oven kind of love

that old school love when he couldn’t wait to get off from work

to take you for a walk around the park

to “write your name up in the sky”

and tell you ” you’re the reason why”

wanting to be his “lover girl” and praying he’d take you all around the world

or even for a push on the swing

and maybe one day a shiny diamond ring

both “wishing on a star” that no one would see you in the back seat of that car

vowing to love each other “forever” as you sunk deeper into the leather

i want THAT old school love

i want his hand to slowly caress my back

not the touch screen of his phone

i want us to feel like we’re all alone

not with a zillion other friends chatting, messaging and interrupting

when he holds my face in his hands and says that this was where he wants to be

the only tweeting that I want to hear

is sweet nothings being whispered in my ear

or music softly playing while he lay near

and though i know things are different in this time and age

and people and relationships are not much more than comments thrown all around the page

I want that old school love back

I know you’re out there and until you find your way through

I’ll be “saving all my love for you”.

(c) M. Tonita Austin   3/5/12

I don’t want to need you – Original Poetry 2012

So mad at myself for letting you into my heart

Once broken and scarred yet beating

Your love mended it with each soft caress

But now I don’t  know where you begin and I start

You see I loved you so long ago

And though my ego would never let it show

 I was so afraid of needing you that I had to let you go

And I did

But true love never ends and we were destined to meet up again

I couldn’t pretend

I knew you were embedded deep beneath my skin

And though they caressed and kissed me here and there

They could never melt my heart from within

So here I am again and damn

I don’t want to need you

Its decades later and it happened so fast

Coming back into your life when you needed a friend

and once again

I couldn’t resist you

I tried with all my might to push you away but you kept holding me tight

Your arms so strong and warm they made me melt

I started sinking deep into  overwhelming emotions that I’ve never felt

And still I’m trying not to need you

Whenever we kiss I feel an electric shock

that beats your hands to my thigh before I can moan “stop”

So much energy between us

that every touch of your skin next to mine

Sends a chill up and down my spine

And I can’t deny that my body needs you too

Can I trust you, are you true

Do you love me as much as you say you do

Will you leave me, will you stay

Or is it just a game to see how long I’ll stay

Will you




The passion doesn’t ever seem to die

And as much as I try and try and try.

Even when you give me a reason why

I should walk away and say goodbye

I can’t seem to bring myself  to leave you

It may not make sense to you

And you may think I’m crazy

I’d rather push you out of my arms now than take the chance

Of one day hearing you call someone else your baby.

My love for you is deep and to the core

My heart still beats faster when I see  you walk through my door

I don’t know what I would do without your love

But I do know for sure

That I don’t want to need you.Don't Want to Need You

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