9-11 Emergency

This poem was written during a trip to New York City in 2009. As the taxi cab stopped in traffic I looked up and I was right in front of Engine 34. I felt the energy in the building and these words came to me…

Back in New York

and nothing is the same

I know it’s been more than ten years

I expected that a lot had changed

The taxi cab was shiny and new

No familiar ganja or curry scent lingering in the air

No arrogant driver to talk to

Either from fear of a bad review or the thick bulletproof shield

that assured there was no conversation to share

The streets were still dirty, the buildings still grey and stoic

Yet the soul of the City had changed and I almost couldn’t put my finger on it

Until I passed by Ladder 34

This is where the City lost its soul

All of the years I spent walking these streets riding in taxi cabs and liverys I had never passed this place

The building was so lifeless

The pain, the heartache washed the color from the red paint

The emotion felt just driving by in the cab almost made me faint

I wanted to stop the driver and run to the building to perform CPR

Jump-start the hearts and souls of the firefighters inside waiting for the next emergency

and praying to God that they are not called to another tower

And lose what’s left of the hope they cling to each and every hour

Sadness overwhelms me as I see the fighters from the past

running to get ready to save us from the blast

They never knew what hit us

why the towers were coming down

never thought twice about the danger that awaited them underground

Not knowing who was in danger

They didn’t hesitate to answer the call

All of our brave and dedicated servants showed up for us

I pray for the souls of them all

The Day I Left God

I laid the red carnation on top of her casket

Collapsing through showers of grief

The sight of them lowering the flesh and bones of my mother

Into the cold hard ground was too much for my fragile womb to bear

I had prophesied years before

That her life would end when her decayed lungs could take no more

Tobacco

Stress

Worry

Fear

Yet I still was not prepared

God was not supposed to take my mommy so soon

I did all the right things

I was baptized and attended church

I paid my tithes

Helped the elderly, sick and poor

Volunteered and served my community

I got good grades, graduated from college, supported myself

And although I wasn’t perfect I tried to do every righteous thing I could do

Stayed by her side like a good daughter should

Took her to doctor’s appointments

And brought her clothes and food when she was unable to move

I was so good how could he take my mommy so soon?

Every day I walked into the cancer center I stopped in the chapel to pray

Please wait until my baby is born before you take my mommy away

Every day

On my knees I would pray

Please God

And he took her anyway

Standing over her casket tears flowing too fast to even wipe away

I sobbed again for her grand baby comfortably swaying in my womb

Anxious to see the light of day

Not realizing the would never get the chance to wrap his little

Hands around her face and say

I love you mom mom

Day by day the anger filled up every space left in my perforated heart

How dare my God leave me to do motherhood alone?

Without my mother to tell me how to hold him when to feed him

When to worry and when to let go

How cruel can he be to leave me mourning during the most beautiful time in my life?

Just two months before I would walk down the aisle and become someone’s loving wife

With each contraction my unborn child had no choice but to drink in my tears of pain grief and anger

My soul cried out why

And received no answer

I found myself sitting in silence once again

Praying to find the strength to go on

So I did what I felt God had done

I banished love and left my soul deserted

Back in the cemetery in the cold hard earth I left my faith in God and buried it deep

And I walked away

And I wept

The day I left God.

Tag: death

9-11 Emergency – Original Poetry

9-11 Emergency

The Day I Left God – Original Poetry from Toni Love

For You – Original Poetry (1985)