The Collective Open Mic is a warm, encouraging, non-judgmental family of poets, writers and artists and I am so thrilled to be asked to warm up the mic for the featured poets on Friday, August 15th at La Rose Jazz Club. I hope you can come out to support me and support the arts! #loveistheanswer
I Want To Get Off – Original poetry
I approach you carefully hesitating all the while
Feeling my body being pulled closer because you entice me and I love your style
So sexy the way you dip when you move
Silky smooth colored outer skin and your softness inside makes me want to sink in to you
No doubt why so many others fall in line just to be in your presence
And here I am amongst them unashamed waiting for my turn to experience the same ecstasy
I stand patiently with my heart quickly racing
Thousands of beats per minute fill my heaving chest
As you motion in my direction
My body temperature elevates my palms are moist waiting to feel you inside
Breathing heavily, approaching cautiously til you pull me close and wrap yourself around my waist and outer thigh
I hold you tight and close my
eyes
Too afraid to just let go and enjoy the ride
I trust the way you ease into it gently and take it slow
The excitement builds and my heart sinks down to my feet and I forget how really fast we are going
And just when my climax begins, you drop me and leave me helpless
No air to breathe, no support under my feet and I don’t feel the passion anymore
I’m scared and I don’t know what’s coming next
I can’t trust that you are secure enough to protect me
Even holding me as tight as you can, I still scream from fear
because I’m afraid that when I trust you the most that you’ll drop me
So I beg you to stop playing with my heart
To unwrap yourself from my torso and release me
Let me walk away with my dignity, without feeling ashamed about what I let you do to me.
I foolishly trusted you from the start but now that you’ve shaken both my confidence and my heart
You will never convince me again to ride a roller coaster , I’ll stick to the kiddie go-carts!
© M Tonita Austin 3/23/14
Watch “Toni Love – Old School Love 8/1/12 @ WCL Philly” on YouTube
I have been writing poetry since the third grade. My teacher was so impressed with my poem that she had me read it to the entire class as an example for them. I can still remember it. My writing continued but didn’t really take flight until my college years. The cultural influence of New York City and the exposure leant by living near the heart of Harlem bled into my poetry and the life experiences of my college years made me blossom. I performed in sold out performances of Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem,” For Colored Girls” and was given the opportunity to read my poem “Creativity” to open for my idol Sonia Sanchez. My poetry and prose was published in the literary magazine on campus and I was well known in the African-American community as a writer. Then life happened – I was unable to finish my last year at college for financial reasons so I returned home depressed and angry and the writing ceased.
Now I am recovering Toni, the writer and it’s been a slow process but I am not giving up. I started this blog to remind me of my authentic self and to share my writing and poetry with the world. And now I feel it’s time to take the next step and give it a voice.
I promised myself that I would sign up for an open mic night in Philadelphia and share the feelings behind the words. With my best friend,
my brother and my love supporting me, I took the stage at a small venue and read “Meet Me” to a very supportive crowd. I was shaking like a leaf, but it felt good and they loved it. To start my birthday month off, I promised myself that I would take the stage at one of the largest open mic events in the city and debut my most popular poem here on my blog. I was afraid, but not as nervous. When I arrived to sign up, they told me that the list was full, and the only spot left was the slot to be the very first to go up on stage. Apparently no one wanted to go first! The place was packed, the stage was huge and none of my friends had arrived yet to tell me what to do. It was then that I felt courage on my shoulder, whispering into my ear. “You came all this way and invited your friends to come see you NOT perform? What about your promise to yourself? “. So I pushed past the fear and signed my stage name, Toni Love, at the top of the list.
It was exhilarating, exciting, scary and affirming all at the same time. One of my good friends captured it on film. Let me know what you think. I’m open to constructive criticism, especially since it will not be the last time I bless the mic. I’m in love!
Meet Me…
“Fly into my love…”
Phyllis no one could have said it better
I want to melt like glue on the pavement in the hot weather
when you are near me
I want to stop time and tell the job, the bills, the kids and the static to hush..
I want to ride on the next warm breeze that blows by,
grab your hand to make sure it’s just you and I
and slowly climb that ladder to the moon
No one needs to know where we are
Just make sure you duck that shooting star
And meet me
Pleeease
I don’t care if it’s just for a moment
But a lifetime would be divine
As close to heaven as we will ever be
Is walking on the moon, just you and me
Meet me..
I’ll make sure you get to work in the morning
We can stop by Jupiter to get you a change of clothes
I just want a moment alone
“In the middle of the sky…you and I”
Do you hear that soft love vibe
Slowly dripping down my thigh
I NEED you to meet me
Where we can lose ourselves in the moment everlasting
Far away from outside forces that interfere with our gravity
Can you meet me?
I won’t tell a soul
but you will want to when I’m through..
Can you just meet me?
Don’t make me beg
I have the ladder, just grab a rung
and come
Can’t you get here any faster?
Meet me..
You won’t regret it my love
And you surely won’t forget it
You’ll be set free from all those wordly woes
When the moondust drifts softly between our toes
Just come..
And I promise
I’ll call your name when you do…
Original Poetry by M Tonita Austin remembering the late, great Phyllis Hyman on her birthday 7/6/12
I don’t want to need you – Original Poetry 2012
So mad at myself for letting you into my heart
Once broken and scarred yet beating
Your love mended it with each soft caress
But now I don’t know where you begin and I start
You see I loved you so long ago
And though my ego would never let it show
I was so afraid of needing you that I had to let you go
And I did
But true love never ends and we were destined to meet up again
I couldn’t pretend
I knew you were embedded deep beneath my skin
And though they caressed and kissed me here and there
They could never melt my heart from within
So here I am again and damn
I don’t want to need you
Its decades later and it happened so fast
Coming back into your life when you needed a friend
and once again
I couldn’t resist you
I tried with all my might to push you away but you kept holding me tight
Your arms so strong and warm they made me melt
I started sinking deep into overwhelming emotions that I’ve never felt
And still I’m trying not to need you
Whenever we kiss I feel an electric shock
that beats your hands to my thigh before I can moan “stop”
So much energy between us
that every touch of your skin next to mine
Sends a chill up and down my spine
And I can’t deny that my body needs you too
Can I trust you, are you true
Do you love me as much as you say you do
Will you leave me, will you stay
Or is it just a game to see how long I’ll stay
Will you
ever
need
me?
The passion doesn’t ever seem to die
And as much as I try and try and try.
Even when you give me a reason why
I should walk away and say goodbye
I can’t seem to bring myself to leave you
It may not make sense to you
And you may think I’m crazy
I’d rather push you out of my arms now than take the chance
Of one day hearing you call someone else your baby.
My love for you is deep and to the core
My heart still beats faster when I see you walk through my door
I don’t know what I would do without your love
But I do know for sure