Yes Black Girl, You Can Get Head Lice! The Finale

Here we are a month later and still no return of the yucky head lice or nits (eggs) so I thought it would be helpful to parents like me, who are virgins to this experience, to follow-up my first blog post on March 2nd https://tonitalove.com/2014/03/02/yes-black-girl-you-can-get-head-lice/ about how to eradicate head lice from African-American hair using natural products.

You definitely need to refer to my original blog post where I found out that one of the best ways to kill head lice is heat. After the Rid shampoo that they sell in the drugstores started to take my daughter’s natural hair out on the spot, I searched for an organic remedy. In a few words, the natural remedy is heat to kill them and heavy oil to help loosen the eggs that they leave behind. Both my daughter and I wear our African-American hair in its natural state, but I did invest in a flat-iron for the special occasions when she wants to wear her hair straight or in spiral curls. I never expected to use it for any other reason, but I’m even more thankful now that I have it.

Well, after the first wash and flat-iron, and the use of the Robi Comb that I mentioned in my earlier post, I had killed all of the lice (and yes I did see live lice….ewww!) I could see in her hair. The process was tedious because she has long, thick, wavy hair and you have to comb through it in sections about 1/4th of an inch thick in order to see and remove the lice. They love to hide in the crown of the head as well as the edges (near the ears, forehead and nape of the neck) and will move from one area to the other as you are working through the head. Contrary to popular belief lice are not white; the live adult lice are brown and the eggs (nits) are white. The adult lice are pretty easy to dislodge. It’s the eggs that glue themselves to the hair shaft, that are difficult to remove. I proceeded to get all visible lice and nits eliminated from her hair, then washed and flat ironed it again and sent her to school. It had been a two-day process and I was so proud of myself that I had zapped all of those scalp vultures and that I didn’t see one white speck of anything in her hair. Twenty minutes later I get a call from the nurse that she could not return to her classroom. The reason I didn’t see any white eggs was that the remaining eggs had started to hatch and had turned brown, making it almost impossible to see in a head of sandy brown hair! I was devastated and she was so disappointed that she would miss yet another day of school. The nurse asked if she could snip a strand or her hair with the brown nit on it so that I knew what I was looking for, and I realized this wouldn’t be an easy resolution.

Feeling defeated, I picked up the phone and called my local health food store, Martindale’s Natual Market http://www.martindalesnutrition.com/ to see if they carried a natural head lice removal kit. Hallelujah, they did, and it was surprisingly inexpensive at about $25 for the shampoo, lice oil and nit removal comb kit. It’s a lot less than taking your child to a lice removal salon and paying $100 or more for their services! I was so happy and so relieved, but here I was with a broken ankle, on crutches and didn’t know who I could get to pick it up for me. The staff at Martindale’s is extremely well-informed about holistic and organic foods, nutrition and care and are always so compassionate but it floored me when the woman on the phone said that she would bring it to me when she finished her shift. I almost cried and thanked her a million times when she showed up at my door less than two hours later. Since I had removed the lice I proceeded to use the Safe 4 People “De Bug Lice Oil” http://www.safe4people.com/html/ptotoday.htm which after treatment, makes the hair shaft so oily that the nits are much easier to remove and sometimes slide off by themselves. I’ve heard from other parents that mayonnaise or petroleum jelly work in the same fashion, but none were African-American and I didn’t want to risk taking the chance of it not working in my daughter’s hair. I followed the directions on the oil, once again sectioning the hair and applying this extremely thick castor oil-based solution to her dry hair. It took about an hour to apply, and two more hours of her sitting with a shower cap on her head. Two hours later (less time if you use their shampoo first; I chose not too since the shampoo is for removing that lice and I had done that already), I rinsed her hair in warm water once again went through the tedious process of removing the nits from her hair. Since her hair is so thick and curly, and it’s much easier to use the tiny nit comb on straight hair I had to blow dry and flat-iron her hair once again. I could see that a lot of the nits had washed off with the warm water, but I still needed to section her hair and comb through each section with the nit comb, this time using a flashlight to ensure I could see every little brown nit possible! Two more hours later ( suggest you start this early and not wait until after dinner like I did!) I put a little Jojoba oil in her hair, lightly touched her edges with a bottle of tea tree oil I also purchased from Martindales (I read that lice do not like tea tree oil), and sent her to bed on fresh linens and a brand new pillow. I was taking no chances!

The next morning I checked her hair and scalp again, feeling paranoid with each piece of white lint or dandruff flake I found, and sent her to school. We both prayed that it would be a successful day. About half an hour later it dawned on me that the phone hadn’t rung and it was well past the time that she should be in her classroom. I didn’t want to assume, so I called the school nurse myself. She said “well done, her hair and scalp look great”; I exhaled. “How did you do it without using the drugstore solution?” she asked. I proceeded to give her the short version. She said that she shared my experience with the nurse from the other elementary school because she who was unaware that children of color could even get head lice. She also said she would share it with other parents and I let her know that I’m happy to share my story with any other African-American parents at the school who need this information.

So, yes I am now the head lice removal expert (hahaha) and I am happy to pass on my knowledge to other parents. She will be wearing her hair up and braided if necessary at least during school hours and will not be sharing dress-up wigs or hats with her friends for quite some time. I truly hope I will never have to rely on this information myself ever again, but at least if I have to go through this again, I will grab the Safe4people kit, my Robi Comb and my flat-iron and get to work!

Oh, the joys of Parenting!

April 1, 2014 4

Yes Black Girl, You Can Get Head Lice!

I am writing this to inform not just parents of African-American children, but also School nurses and all those who have spread the myth that it is impossible for African-American hair to become infested with head lice or that black girls cannot get head lice from their non-black friends. I know first hand that it is not true. I found three live lice in my daughter’s hair just a few days ago, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I recalled years ago when there was a case at my son’s Pre-school and his teacher told me that he didn’t need to be checked because head lice do not gravitate towards, nor attach themselves to hair shafts that are not completely straight and that the only lice that would “take” to our hair are African lice. Naively, I believed her and felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to be concerned about that nasty parasite unless maybe in the future when we embarked on a voyage to Africa.

Every time there was an incident of head lice at either of my children’s schools, I would exhale a sigh of relief quietly boasting and feeling sorry for those “others” who had to deal with those horrible parasites. Well, as I pulled out the two nymphs (baby lice) fighting to escape my comb and put them on a napkin, I became one of those “others”. I immediately screamed for my son, the resident insect expert; “Frankie!!! Is this an ant or head lice??” He is fascinated by and has an innate knowledge of anything relating to science and earth and affirmed what I feared. As if he thought I didn’t believe him, he Googled lice, and quickly printed out a picture that matched my specimen exactly. I was shocked. I thought, how could this happen? Is it because her hair is not as tight and kinky as mine?? My daughter has always worn her hair natural (meaning braided, afro puffs, two strand twists or an all out natural afro) and only three times in her six years have I ever straightened it.

After I shook the shock from my face, I called a friend to purchase the recommended shampoo because I didn’t want to these little critters to multiply. While waiting, and doing the necessary stripping of beds, and cleaning of pillows, stuffed animals, coats etc. I did some research that I wanted to share with anyone looking for accurate information about head lice in African-Americans as well as the most natural, painless and effective process I found in removing them. Keep in mind, my daughter’s hair is not chemically processed so I have not researched the best method for anything other than black hair in its natural state.

Most of the sites that I reviewed stated that African-Americans are less likely to attract lice and have had fewer occurrences of head lice because prior to the return of natural (meaning not chemically processed) hair styles in the past decade or so, the majority would chemically process the hair to straighten it or subject it to extreme amounts of heat by blow drying and straightening the hair. If your normal routine involved either of these things, you can be sure that the lice (singular, louse) would not survive. I never remember anyone during my school years contracting lice, but we were always applying heat to straighten our hair and suffocating our scalps with petroleum jelly and other thick hair pomade in order to keep the sheen and texture and from everything I’ve read, if we did have lice, it would not have survived.

This article from the natural hair blog blackgirllonghair.com http://blackgirllonghair.com/2013/06/4-reasons-natural-hair-is-more-susceptible-to-lice/ was extremely helpful and confirmed the information I found from the Centers for Disease Control which never stated that African-Americans could not get head lice, just that they were less likely. Once I calmed down and accepted that we had to deal with this infestation, I applied the recommended drug store lice shampoo. Never again! My daughter’s hair started coming out in small clumps on my finger tips as I applied it and once again I asked my son to google a natural remedy for removing head lice in African-American hair. Thank God for technology! There were suggestions from other sites such as using a heavy substance like mayonnaise, petroleum jelly or tea tree oil to suffocate the lice on the scalp which all seemed like it would take too long. He eventually found a You Tube video produced by http://www.elimilice.com, a salon in Atlanta that specializes in the natural removal of head lice. In this particular video they demonstrate the process they utilize to remove lice from African-American girls that wear their natural hair. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEPj0vrwygw. Hallelujah! I had purchased a flat-iron last summer and I knew that it exceeded 200 degrees, which would be more than enough heat to kill the lice. I was so thrilled that I didn’t have to put more of that toxic “lice removal” shampoo in her hair over and over again and could most likely exterminate all of them by heat. I throughly washed out the shampoo, sectioned her hair, and as she watched a movie on her Kindle Fire, I went through the process of blow drying, flat ironing and using a fine-tooth comb to rid each section of hair of any eggs I could see. It was a long process but it killed the lice and she was thrilled to have a new hair style.

The next day I spoke to the school nurse and she told me that she uses a “Robi” lice removal comb (picture below) http://www.robicomb.com/ that she would need to use on my daughter before she is able to return to her classroom. It’s an electronic comb that zaps (kills) any lice it comes into contact with, and is a safe and painless way to get rid of the lice and check the hair at any time after the initial infestation to make sure you eliminated all of the parasites. It’s about $30 at the local drugstore but I think it’s well worth the cost since I will be using it often to follow-up the initial treatment and from time to time to confirm their removal. It’s also FSA approved, so it’s a deductible medical expense or can be reimbursed through your HSA or MSA (medical savings account). I did use it the day after I did the flat-iron process and the Robi comb did find and kill one louse right there on the spot. What a life-saver! I’ve checked her hair several times since and have not seen any lice or eggs in her hair.

In addition to the hair, anything that may have been near or come in contact with their head must be bagged up tightly for about four or more days so the lice can suffocate. Or if you have a sanitize cycle on your washer like myself which allows the temperature to reach 180 degrees, you can wash everything. Bed sheets, pillows, stuffed animals, pajamas, clothing, coats, hats, towels, couch pillows and even your clothing and your bed sheets if your child crawled into bed with you recently.

All I can say is thank goodness, my son wears his hair extremely close to his head or I would have had two heads to process! My daughter’s hair is thick and curly and half way down her back when it is wet, so it is not something I ever want to do again. But the reality is that she does have a few more years of elementary school, and being the huggy, touch-feely lovable kid that she is, I wouldn’t be shocked if it happened again one day. I will however, be much more informed and prepared. I hope this post helps another parent to have that confidence too.

March 2, 2014 8

A Snowbound, Single-Mom’s Prayer (Original Poetry)

A Snowbound, Single-Mom’s Prayer (Original Poetry).

January 22, 2014 0

A Snowbound, Single-Mom’s Prayer (Original Poetry)

Well, it’s day two of this winter blizzard, and the schools have been closed both days. When you’re homebound with two young, energetic kids you have to keep a sense of humor and an attitude of faith and hope! I enjoy sleeping in, and I love my kids dearly, but boy am I looking forward to the dog days of summer! I wrote this poem for fun. It’s titled “A Snowbound Single-Mom’s Prayer”. Hope you like it:

Now I come in from the cold
No help with groceries
Nor hand to hold
The kids are excited about the snow
And my only prayer is that the lights won’t blow
Please keep the heat and the television going
So I’ll have a little peace and work flow while it’s snowing
And after movies, popcorn and snuggling of course
And the kids are finally tucked in their bed
May a handsome and thoughtful neighbor arrive
To lay my salt and shovel a path around my…shed.

January 22, 2014 3

Back to life…back to reality…

Well, today’ it’s back to school for the kids, and getting back to the mindset of prosperity, writing and productive work for me! This year was the first year that I stayed home with the kids for their entire winter break and did not schedule them for day camp at the Y or any other place. I thought that I deserved to have just one day to myself during their ten day break, but intuition told me to just enjoy them. Sometimes when I hear that voice that whispers to me to take time out for them, I can become fearful that I’m getting a message that something may happen to them or me and that is the reason we should cherish this time. But then I realize that sometimes it may just be their subconscious speaking to mine and they just need more mommy time. So, I made sure we had groceries and that the cable bill was paid and made no plans other than to attend a local Kwanzaa celebration and enjoy our family and friends during the holidays. We had a few impromptu yet fulfilling lunch and dinner gatherings with friends, some football, board games, reading, lots of movie time on the couch, a few pajama days and even some days that they were both not feeling well, and recovering. It was the first time that I purposely chose not to try and “use” the time to cram in every library, museum or other extra curricular event that looked exciting and intriguing during the holiday break. They both get so over-worked (in my opinion) at school that I wanted them to just do nothing for a change. Yes we may have put on a pound or two and the kids may be raddled due to the relaxed sleep schedules, but their bodies are healed, they got lots of love, snuggles, family time and cultural enrichment, and most of all a break from the day to day stress of school and extra-curricular activities.

They are not over-scheduled like many suburban kids I know of these days, but I do try to balance the lack

of gross motor activities in the schools with sports and dance and other physical recreation. Aside from the recreation, they both will be taking Mandarin Chinese this semester on Saturday mornings (my son is in his sixth year, and my daughter wants to do whatever her big brother does), so we have a few commitments but not excessive. I don’t do more than one sport in a season unless it’s swimming lessons, and unless they are with their father for the weekend, or beg me to see the latest Disney movie, we spend Friday and Sunday nights at home. Even energetic and/or brilliant kids need down time too. They need time to relax and release and not worry about time and schedules and assignments. And for this reason Friday nights at our house are sacred. They are almost always reserved for what the kids refer to as “movie night”. We get early showers, get in our pajamas, pull out the fleece blankets, search for a great family movie, pop some popcorn (or grab a bag from the Wawa) and head to the couch for snuggle time. It’s the most inexpensive way to treat them to a special night and after all of these years it’s still their favorite night of the week. They love it because they get uninterrupted quality time with me and I love it because I know there will soon be a day when Friday nights will be spent with a blanket, myself and a good book because they’ll be at the mall, going to a movie or a party with their friends. So for now, for reasons I don’t necessarily share with them, it’s my favorite night of the week too!

January 2, 2014 4

Check outToni’s Room 2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog. I started this blog a little over three years ago and I have poured my heart and soul out here. I want to thank all who have taken the time to read, comment or both and I hope that I helped someone by being open and honest with you about my life’s journey. Please feel free to share and subscribe! Thanks again and I wish you a blessed, joyful and prosperous 2014!

Toni

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,200 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 37 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

December 31, 2013 0

Keeping it Real – Original Poetry 12/15/13

“What can I do for you?”

What can I say

My patriarch has left this realm

And as they say “he’s passed away”

Could you just turn back time

Raise his body off of that floor

Breath life into his weakened lungs

Give him a heart that pumps strong and not stress his body even more

Can you make him change his diet

And leave the pork and ‘Jack alone

Can you tell him that I love him and that we want him back on the throne

Will the calls and cards and letters

Soak up every grief-stained tear

Will his grandchildren cease to miss him

At graduations and weddings from year to year

I appreciate the sentiments

The comforting calls, hugs and texts

But now that I’m officially an orphan

There’s nothing to seal this broken heart until I leave this life and meet him in the next

So thank you for asking but there’s nothing you can do.

I’ll miss my daddy forever cause I’m a daddy’s girl through and through.

December 16, 2013 2

The Courage to Change…

Well it’s the first full week of school and this is the first time in about ten years that I’ve ever had six hours of continuous, uninterrupted time on a weekday (unless of course I was ill or it was a holiday!). As a self-employed professional and full time mother, I spend my time home with my children embracing every beautiful moment with them. I try to teach them values and create experiences for them that they will cherish for a lifetime because I believe our job as parents is not to smother and dis-able them but to equip them with the abilities to survive a life without us. My baby girl started first grade this year and it’s such a beautiful yet difficult transition for me. She is the type of child who is so loving and so full of energy that she requires 110% of your attention. The love you receive in return is so genuine that you don’t resent the time, however exhausting it can be. Last year she wanted me to walk her to the doorway of the school, give her a hug and kiss, was hesitant about even walking into the school and she was only there for a few hours each day! I volunteered in the classroom a minimum of once a week and there was always a sad face when I left even though I would be back there in half an hour to pick her up from school. Needless to say I was concerned about how she would handle a full day of school, desks and eating in the lunchroom. She was so nervous about the first day and worried about it being all new until we walked into the classroom and saw one of her best friends sitting up front. I exhaled a huge sigh of relief, she turned around quickly to say “by Mom!” without even the usual hug and kiss and she quickly disappeared into the fold of children. That Friday she asked if she could walk to school and come home by herself. My mouth dropped and I thought ‘it took my son until second grade to make that request’…am I being one of those smothering moms??

The most difficult lesson about parenting I feel, is learning to let go and I was about to get yet another lesson. Monday morning I grabbed my keys, walked her out the door and down the walkway to the street and she turned around and said “by mom, have a good day” in order to stop me in my tracks. She wanted to walk across the street and off to school without me! I thought she was joking until she turned around, looked at my feet progressing forward and said “I can do it myself”. For a moment I chuckled inside because my mother used to always joke that I came out of the womb saying those exact words. I took a deep breath, smiled, said “OK” and pointed her in the direction of the crossing guard. I let go. Well, okay so I live directly across the street from her elementary school and the crossing guard is practically on my doorstep when she comes out in the morning, but it was still a huge risk for me! 🙂 Today is day two and she didn’t even want me to leave the doorway of our home, but I told her I had to at least come off the porch to make sure the crossing guard was there on the corner, so she allowed me to keep walking. She seems to be handling the transition well, and I am left to sit in quiet with no choice but to meditate on the next step on my life’s journey to joy. I have made so many sacrifices – personal and financial – in order to be the face that my kids see first thing in the morning and coming home from school in the afternoon. I’ve juggled work schedules, lost clients, lost friends, missed a lot of fun parties, workshops and educational opportunities, all because of my commitment to my children and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I would do it for any child because they are our future and will one day be making decisions that affect my life. I’ve accepted my role here as their guardian and I’ve felt that way about all children for as long as I can remember. I strongly believe if our children grow up knowing that they are the most important person in the lives of those who have created them, they will be confident, loving beings and will spread that love and compassion to all those that they touch.

And we may just change the world. One courageous child at a time.

September 10, 2013 2

Dear Grief

Continue reading “Dear Grief” →

June 26, 2013 10

“In the middle of a street in Camden, NJ” – by J.T.Austin Jr.

I always thought that I acquired my gift of writing from my mother because she always kept a journal and I knew that she loved to write. It wasn’t until my father, as he began to age, passed along some of his writings to me that I became aware that it was his passion that I inherited. I was instantly transported to the time and place in his short essays and recognized the similarities in our writing styles. I now know that my love for words and my lyrical style was passed to me from Dad. I read this short essay at his memorial service this past Saturday (more to come about that) and several people have asked for a copy of it, so I am posting it on my blog. It was one of many small glimpses into the sensitive side of my dad that until his later years, was only uncovered in his writing. I can’t wait to put all of his thoughts into book form but for now, I’ll share one of my favorites so far:

In the middle of a street in Camden, NJ

Four of my grandchildren came to visit me on my 69^th birthday, Jameel, Aamir, Naim and Hammad. They brought me a cake, a shirt, a food mixer, a birthday card and their wonderful company. As we laughed and talked together my mind began to rewind , but first I thought about my other four grandchildren and my great-granddaughter. After my grandkids had left, I looked at all their pictures and my mind lapsed again and tears came as I thought about a time long ago when two young people stood in the middle of a small Camden, NJ street. It must have rained that day as I remember the street glistened. They had been on her porch when she suggested that they take a walk. The young couple walked hand in hand down the sidewalk and started across the street when the girl stopped, looked up at the boy with tears in her eyes and said “ I’ve missed my period.” She put her head on his chest and sobbed. He imagined she thought he might leave her. His head was whirling. He thought , how’s he gonna support a wife and kid when he can’t support himself and then thought about the doctor at Hamilton Air Force Base in California who told him that because of the VD he had contracted overseas, he could never have children. So was this his child?? But when he looked down into the big wet eyes of HIS girl who was having HIS child, he kissed her, smiled and said “let’s get out of the street”. Well, they walked and talked, kissed and held each other. Two young people, in love, who didn’t have a clue how life was going to treat them but they started out together. So as I look at all these people we’re responsible for – four children, eight grandchildren, and one great-grandchild – 13 people who came here because of those two young lovers in the middle of a Camden street beginning to learn about life. The tears really begin to fall as I think “Well, ‘Fat Cheeks’, we didn’t do so bad, not bad at all!”

Written by Jabez T. Austin Jr

10/16/2008

May 21, 2013 4