My beloved wisdom womb surrounded by soft, brown flesh protecting magic forgive me for wishing you away
For cursing you and shaming you as I wrestled you into the jeans bought too tight just to impress that boy stuffing you inside girdles and other undergarments designed to control and confine your beauty
succumbing to the misogynist media narrative seeking to dissolve you in the name of purity and perfectionism I was taught the process of dissipating you never the power of your sacred protest
Forgive me for forgetting your sacrifice during the abortion
The day you held and protected my first born as I laid stretched out over my mother's casket
I, for a moment, failed to remember the grace and light you allowed when I only saw darkness
Growing and cradling my grandmother's eggs to bring forth life when I didn't know how I would even live
Your strength and determination to hold two nine pound babies to term How you held my sorrow for the three who I would never see My rainbow child still recalls the soft and calming swish of your cascading melodies / music she continues to push out into the world on her own
Even sliced and laced after two cesarean section, you still hold move beautifully How could I be ashamed of your capacity to heal and nurture us all If I never cried for you, I should never try to hide you
So I vow now
No more 'Spanx' or disgusted gazes in the mirror when you show yourself to the world You are my lifesaver My miracle maker My healer and the source of all my creation I love you and thank you My wisdom womb
Kiss Kiss These lips They are eager for your gentle touch The anticipation of soft skin against skin Tender Moist Oh how I love the sensation of your tongue Gliding ever so slowly around my oval Moving deeper inside Teasing my anticipation Increasing my drive Feeling warmth and compassion each time our lips collide I can’t take the multiple explosions anymore So I moan some form of your name Begging you to come up for air To give these lips One More Kiss
She’s here! I did it Daddy! 💥The paperback version of “Toni’s Room is available for sale! 🤸🏿♀️💓 I dedicated my first poetry book to my children because they are my biggest fans. It is currently available as Kindle version and paperback on Amazon. I am planning a few local book signings and also have signed copies available to order on my website at 👉🏽bit.ly/tonilovemerch . Thank you all and especially my coach Gwenn Prinbeck for gently pushing me to uncover all that I am. “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” ~ Brene’ Brown
I am so thankful for all of my supporters who purchased books, hosted book signings and helped promote !
Do you have a copy of The Restoration? There are a few special edition CDs left! Click on the photo to listen to two of the tracks and purchase a copy for yourself.
Mother’s Day is always bittersweet for me. I know as a Mother that there is pressure to smile and gush at the numerous mother’s day wishes, cards and love from my kids, but even after seventeen years, I still awaken with a small void knowing I can only speak the sentiment to my own mom, and seek to hear her respond in soft whispers of the wind.
When I was asked to collaborate with the phenomenal drummers and artists Sistahs Laying Down Hands for Mother’s Day I immediately said yes. Every performance together has been a gift to me and as I tapped into my intuition I knew that I needed to be in that space on that day, I just didn’t know why. I chose to recite a poem I wrote as part of my grief work after my mother transitioned. I was in my first trimester and I thought God to be so cruel to take my mother when I was first becoming a mother. Writing helped me come to terms with the loss and my faith and I recite this poem to help other motherless children feel that it’s okay to speak the pain of grief and release it.
I didn’t know that at the dawn of Mother’s Day this year I would be admitting my first-born to the hospital after spending hours in the emergency room. Everything in me wanted to cancel the performance but I had committed and my son told me “you should do it Mom, I know you’ll be good”. So with little sleep and a strained voice I sang and performed my poem surrounded by the healing energy of the drum. It was where I needed to be and I am grateful for the opportunity to receive the strength and the spiritual support through art.
My poem is about 5 minutes in, but you will want to watch from the beginning for a wonderful spoken word of remembrance of mothers and of course the powerful hands of the Sistahs Karen Smith and Miriama Koroma! You can search this blog for the words to the poem.
May you be continue to feel the nurturing of a mother’s love in spite of where she may or may not be in your life. Love comes in all forms. ~Toni Love
You can now go to one site to choose how you want to experience Toni Love’s EP “The Restoration”. You can purchase the limited edition EP with graphic cover and artistry on the actual CD, or you can download one track or the entire body of soul-stirring poetry online. If you email me at tonitalove2@gmail.com with proof of purchase, I will mail you a Toni Love t-shirt for FREE! Wishing you a fabulous summer and days full of joy and LOVE!
Toni's Room 