Just a Little Thank You Note….

I just wanted to
thank you
for the sweet pain of a first love affair

thank you
for the soft melodies that made me forget
that we had no protection

if these three months hadn’t happened,
there would be no Miles, no Klugh, no Spyro Gyra
no Marsalis, no Brubeck, no Franks, no ‘BGO

without this final semester of false lovin’
there would be no jazz
no duets in the shower
no passion at 5am
no nights alone

no “real” thing, no “you mean more than”
no “I DO care”
no “sorry but I won’t be home tonight…”

no
other woman

no heartache, no confusion, no hurt
no faked emotions, no hate, no frustration
no
gynecologist

no cold, empty nights, no lonely mornings, no sympathy
no apathy, no excuses, no wounded egos, no memories
no BITCH

so thank you
for the missed classes
and for teaching me how to scurry across campus at 1AM
to fulfill your needs and to find my own
thank you for the use of your towels, your soap, your q-tips, your cocoa butter, your washcloth, your shirts, your stereo, your typewriter
thank you for using me

for losing me
in your arms, in your kisses and in your thoughts

for losing track of my existence
for having no brain of your own
for loving and leaving me for your best friend’s girlfriends’ girlfriend
for forgetting about our ‘something real’

for the lies
for cutting all ties
sooooo graciously

for not being MAN enough to tell me about her

for making me realize that some men have no right to my loving
and are only out to please
THEMSELVES

for letting me see the reality of a relationship with a basketball player
who snorts, tokes, drinks, brags boasts and
SITS THE BENCH

but really

THANK
YOU

for the strength to start over again
and to take the time out to love someone WORTH loving...

MYSELF

Original writing: 5/3/84